Day 13 - I'm still here...

Today is Day 13 on the meds... ...so how am I doing?

Well, I meant to post an update before now, so maybe that is somewhat indicative of how I am feeling. The first hurdle for me is to avoid/get through the side effects that inevitably come with any new pills. It is well documented that with all these types of medicines there is a period of time needed before any positive benefit is felt, and it is during this time that the side effects are at their worst. Basically, when the side effects start to ease then the pills are doing their stuff.

If you read the information leaflet that comes with these - or in fact most pills these days - you would not touch them with a barge pole. They range from sickness to insomnia, severe agitation to breathlessness, weight gain to blurred vision; and that's just the tip of the iceberg. So looking back over the last 2 weeks, I've probably not had it too bad...

Yes, I feel a bit queasy now and again - but an infusion of root ginger in boiling water soon sorts that out (add just a smidge of sugar and it's really quite nice - great tip - try it also for morning sickness!). For the first few days it felt like my brain was swimming through treacle - cognitive thoughts were taking their time to filter through and my mouth was about two seconds behind my brain. Also I have been terribly sleepy - not a bad thing - I just lie down until the feeling goes away! Then I have also had the jitters, a shakiness that is like a permanent shiver, but without feeling cold; I guess that this is how an addict may feel when they need their next fix... And my eyes have been affected too - my vision is blurred, my pupils are dilated, so it is difficult to focus at times, and I have been wearing my glasses a heck of a lot more. Finally are the dreaded "negative thoughts" that are much warned about in both the information leaflet and in virtually every article you read on this subject. Apparently this drug may cause the taker to have a higher level of, and more frequent, negative thoughts and feelings - which you can understand may lead to traumatic consequences, especially for those taking the stuff for depression. The only evidence I have of this in myself is that since starting to take the pills I have been more nervous that usual of leaving the house. I will go out if accompanied (dragged) and only for a short time - but today I had a breakthrough and went out for the first time on my own in these last 13 days!

So, that's kind of where I am now. I started my first 6 days on a quarter dose, and when I felt so much better on day six I put myself up to a half dose on day seven - which I intend to follow for at least another week before I up it again. Yes, I have been feeling pretty ropey, but nothing like how bad I thought it might be given my previous experiences; and I'm in this for the long haul, so I need to just keep plugging away. My partner has been wonderfully supportive, he realises that this is something that could potentially help me get back on my feet again and is allowing me to take things pretty much at my own pace. And I had a bit of an epiphany on day 6 too... I realised that the silent little voice (oxymoron, I know) at the back of my head which is normally screaming "Oh sh*t, I really can't do this, I can't cope, get me out of here!" was just simply crooning "Hey girl, we can do this..."

Hmmm, yes, I think we can....