Day 1 on the demon drug....

Today I have started a new course of medication.
I am a chronic anxiety sufferer who has severe debilitating panic attacks and sometimes is unable to leave the house.
Over the years (nearly 20 now) I have tried to find solutions for my problems - from medications to therapies, counselling to alternative methods. I have tried anti-depressants, tranquilisers, beta-blockers, herbal remedies, hypnotherapy, homoeopathy, acupuncture, bowen treatment, reflexology, relaxation techniques; and I have been through psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Cognitive Analytic Therapy.
Yet here I still am, still suffering, still trying to get on with as normal a life as possible - still fighting!

Today I have started what some people will call a "demon drug" - the dreaded and much maligned Seroxat. Google it yourself and you will see what a bad reputation it has. It has a kind of kill or cure following. The manufacturers have had action brought against them for the traumatic side effects it has given previous patients, and it is heralded as one of the number 1 suicide inducing drugs... Yippee! I life of joy ahead for me!

So why the bloody hell am I taking the stuff?? Well, I have tried at least half a dozen other similar drugs - none of which I have been able to tolerate. I was originally prescribed this particular monster about 12 years ago. I do not recall any nasty side effects, I was on it for about 6 months, til I felt so much better I decided to come off it, which I did gradually - and again I felt just fine. It worked for me!! (Obviously not a permanent cure - but then life does have a habit of backfiring on you!)

For those not in the know - why am I taking an anti-depressant for an anxiety condition?? I am not depressed. Well, this particular genre of meds is well known as having a secondary effect of helping to alleviate anxiety type disorders. This is not a cure. I know this. If I want to truly get better the only answer lies inside myself - only I can make myself better. But right now I need a little helping hand. Something to make the day to day living easier. Something to help give me a break, so I can have a rest, get my strength up, and then out the demons once and for all.

I will do it!

I have signed up to a great forum for Seroxat users - www.seroxatmad.co.uk - which has been wonderfully supportive to me already, I would recommend it to anyone else in my situation.
Today is just Day 1... I have taken my first dose (just a low one to begin with) and although I'm only a few hours in - so far so good!
I will be recording my progress here, and hopefully letting you know of a few other approaches I am taking to beat my condition...
...watch this space!