Making a Baby

It's been over a month since I've posted - how time flies! I guess Christmas seems like a pretty good excuse, but the tinsel is long gone so I reckon that one might might be running a bit thin by now. But I have another reason up my sleeve - I've been procreating.

Now, before you switch off completely, after all the thought of some strange woman's sex life might be rather off putting - I'm not talking about the wailing, nappy-filling kind. No, I have a new special project, and I have promised myself that this is the year that I will breathe life into it, allow it to fully develop and finally, hopefully, push it gently into the world.

I am writing a book. It is something I have been wanting to do for sometime. This will not be a work of fiction, a trashy throw away novel (I rather happen to like those actually); but something of substance. I am going to write about my fight to overcome my anxiety condition - not in an autobiographical sense, but explore the road that has taken me from despair to new found delight. A bumpy, rocky road, full of pot holes and hidden dips, with the wrong turns and sudden unexpected glorious views. A guide to all the various routes that are out there and available, what to expect and how to pick the ones that suit the sufferer best. I want others to benefit from my journey, and hopefully be able to plan their own way on the path to wellness...

That's my baby.

I have a long way to go still. Conception has happened, but I am still in the early stages of pregnancy - morning sickness when I get writer's block, rushing hormones when I finally complete even the smallest section. I have all the baby manuals, and have researched how my pregnancy can hope to develop and blossom. I have yet to devise my birthing plan, natural or assisted, but hopefully as painless as possible. Apparently I need to first get myself a good gynaecologist (agent) and that they will then help me to find the services of an appropriate mid-wife (publisher). I have been warned that whatever delivery option I choose the labour will probably be long, slow and very painful (being my first child and all that) - and that I can probably expect many Braxton Hicks type false alarms before my baby finally emerges into this cruel and unforgiving world. However, once he (or she) does, he will hopefully receive a nice smart smack on the bottom and start exercising his lungs (if my mid-wife does their job properly!).

I guess like all new mothers I will be cursing and screaming throughout the birth, swearing that I will never go through this agony again. But then in my hormonal flush of post natal exhaustion this will soon be forgotten, and I will be glowing with pride, admiring the perfectness of each tiny finger and toe; wanting only to show off my offspring, who will be adorable simply because he is mine.

Then who knows, a little way down the line, when the agonies of child birth are nothing but a dim and distant memory - well, I might just try for another one!